


I'll Fake It, If It Means They'll Love Me

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
Genre: (its pretty mild but its there), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Body Dysphoria, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Nonbinary Character, OOC, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Transphobia, Very OOC, nonbinary dysphoria, nonbinary komaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24942391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Komaru tries to come out to her brother, but she has some difficulties.
Relationships: Asahina Yuta & Naegi Komaru, Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Naegi Komaru & Naegi Makoto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	I'll Fake It, If It Means They'll Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags please! i don't want anyone to trigger anyone! ik that a lot of people will probably read it anyways (i do usually) but if the topics in this trigger you please don't read this!
> 
> it's like 5:15 am, i haven't slept, its big dysphoria and self hatred time, i wrote all this in one sitting.  
> for context, in this komaru and yuta are going to a regular highschool and are best friends, and toko and makoto go to hopes peak with everyone in the class but its just a regular school year, no despair things.  
> Komaru and Yuta are 15, Makoto and Toko (and the rest of the class ig) are 16.  
> Komaru and Toko are dating
> 
> uhh enjoy ig?

“Hey Makoto?”

Today would be the day I would tell him. Today I would tell my brother that I’m nonbinary. I’ll tell him after breakfast once our parents have left for work. I can’t tell them yet, I already know that they won't be okay with it.

“Yeah Komaru?” 

I’ll probably tell them after I’ve moved out to be safe. So I can be sure that I’ll be safe and have some space from them if they don’t accept it. I’ve heard them talk about it before. Mom tries her best to understand for a few minutes, but she gives up pretty quickly. She always goes out of her way to gender everything. A haircut, a dog collar, chores, and always clothes. But she’s not as bad as dad. Whenever he tries to understand things about transgender people, or reads articles about transgender issues he’s pretty accepting of most people. But not nonbinary. He always just says “I just don’t get it” or he’ll say that it’s not real. He also has never been too accepting of my sexuality either. He knows that I don’t like guys at all, and I only like girls. But he always says things like “You never know.” or implies that it could change. That maybe I’ll meet the right person. Maybe I’ll like my guy classmate eventually, it’s rude of me to be so against that idea! He never acts like this to my brother. He just accepts that he’s straight. He never asks why he won’t even give a guy from his class a chance. He just understands that he doesn’t like guys and leaves it there. But never for me.

“Can we talk later?” 

Makoto is really the only person I trust to talk about this with. I know that he’ll accept me. When I told him that I was a lesbian he immediatly supported me! He even supported my relationship with his classmate, Toko. Though he isn’t part of the LGBT+ community he accepts everyone in it. When Chihiro told him that they want to go by they/them pronouns he did it. He accepted it, and while he messed up at first, he always corrected himself. So I know he’ll accept me too. It doesn’t make it any less scary though.

“Of course! Is it serious?”

Though now that I think about I’m not sure if I should tell him. I mean I could always be faking it. Sometimes it really isn’t that bad when mom tells me how pretty I am. When Makoto calls me his sister, and Toko calls me her girlfriend. I just don’t like it that much really. If I tell him that, but I just end up taking it back he’ll never take me seriously again. Plus I can’t bother him with something like this, I know he’ll listen but I don’t need anyone to treat me differently. I can deal with them calling me a girl. I only hate myself for looking feminine sometimes. Maybe I hate my chest, but a lot of girls do. Sure, my feminine facial features bother me, but everyone hates themselves at one point. My high pitched voice might make me want to rip my vocal chords out and never speak again pretty often, but even Yuta hates his voice sometimes. It’s not just a trans thing. I could even be a trans guy too, so I can’t really tell anyone until I figure it out. Even though I don’t like being referred to as a guy either, even if it is better than being called a girl. If I just change my mind within a week they’ll never take me seriously, and I’ll just annoy them. Plus I’m just fifteen, what do I know. I’m just a kid. 

“Nevermind, actually it’s not that important.”

I’ll just keep it in longer. If I come out it’ll just annoy everyone. I’ll just confuse my parents, then they’ll keep referring to me as a girl. Makoto will take me seriously until I take it back, then he’ll hate me. I can’t bother my friends with it either, I already told Yuta and I still regret that. He’s nice about it but telling him means I can’t fully take it back.

“Are you sure? You’ve seemed more stressed than usual lately. Did you get into a fight with Toko?” 

I especially can’t tell Toko. I can’t lose her. If I told her that I’m nonbinary she’d probably break up with me. I know she’s bisexual, but if I’m not a girl then that’d change everything. She likes me for who she thinks I am, so if she finds out that’s just a lie then she has no reason to stay. I’ll change myself to fit who she thinks I am if it means she’ll stay.

“It’s really nothing important! I’ve just been having more trouble with my homework. You really don’t have to worry about me!” 

If I just keep it inside I won’t bother them. If I don’t bother them they’ll like me and they’ll stay. I need them to stay. If they don’t like me anymore then I have no reason to be here anymore, it’s not like I improve the world at all. I don’t have any important talent like Toko, or provide help and support to my friends like Makoto. I’m just Komaru Naegi, an average girl who has no real impact on the world.

“Okay, but just remember that I’m always here if you need to talk about something! Plus you can always ask me, or probably Toko, if you need help with it.”

I’ll keep it inside. I’ll be okay. I have to. If I don’t then my only other option is to end it all.

“Of course! I have a test tomorrow, so I’m gonna go study, I’ll probably hang out with Toko later!”

I’ll keep it inside. I’ll be okay.

“Alright! Good luck!”

If I can’t I’ll just die.


End file.
